audience feedback for draft 1

Most people gave us a level 3 for our draft which we were pleased with because we knew we could make the draft alot better than it was already.
Things what people iked in the draft was the filming which show the relationship between the charaters which we tried to make look like amatuer filming by putting a filter on the clips when on the editing software.
They thought our patential problems was the lighting in the clips beacause some of them were very dark and also some shots were handheld which they thought should of been with a tripod.

Myself i was not to pleased with the first draft but hope the final products develops alot from this idea when we next film we shall consider the audiences thoughts and try to acomplish them.

Draft 2

This is our 2nd draft which is alot differento our 1st 1 but i better. For our final peice we hope to have a voice over on the final clips of the boyfried reading the letter out also we shall replace the clip of the feather falling with a clip of the girlfriend holding a picture of the boyfriend in rememberance which i hope will create more feeling.

Analysis

Firstly i will comment on the title sequence i was'nt quite sure about the previous title sequence and where it was placed, i didnt really think it gave the feel that it was a opening to a film and it seemed more like a trailor. I qalso changed the font and colour because i felt that the last was was to "cheesy" and amatuer i fell that the knew one gives more a proffesional look. This was inspired by the short film "wednesday" which is on my blog.

The first shot i have used is of a black bird flying off a aerial i think this shot really contrasts well with the colour of the title sequence and gives the feel of natural beauty which can relate to love, i also used slow motion on this clip so the beauty of it is shown more.

The next shot is of a sunset which also relates to beauty. But both of these things could connote that something of great beauty will go away or fly away, e.g the sunset looks amazing but its when it is gone there is nothing but darkness this will realate to the boyfriend because the girlfriend see him as beauty but once he has died theres nothing left for her. Also once the black bird has flown away there is no beauty left but only the television aerial.

The next shot is off the girlfriend walking towards the house and the title sequence appears on the lawn. The colour of the text is blue but the lawn is green which comes from the saying"blue and green should never be seen" this could connote that something will happen that will be bad and rather not be seen. Also the girlfriend is wearing pink but over that is the colour black which could connote that something bad will happen because black is the colour of death but the pink underneath could represent that there was happyness before.

The next shot i will comment on is the close up of her putting the key in the door. This shot creates tension and makes the audience want to know whats inside.

Then there is a point of view of the girlfriend looking down at the boyfriend i have used slow motion and muted the sound to create more feel this was inspired by a scen out of "this is england" where milky dies.

Then once again there is a shot of birds but this time there is two bird on top of a aerial and they both fly off this shot is to show that the characters where once close like the birds but then one bird leaves and the other follows and now nothing is left. This connotes that the boyfriend has died and left the girlfriend so the girlfriend has nothing now.
Then there is a shot of a feather gliding in the air this connotes that anything could happen now it unpredictable because the wind will just take the feather just like the girlfriend because now her boyfriend has died she doesnt know where to go so anything can happen.
It then becomes the next scene and it tells the audience its a week before and there is a close up of the letter getting put throught the door then a close up shot of the letter on the floor this shot is to show the audience where the letter has came from.
Then boyfriend comes to pick up the letter and there then is a a low angle of the boyfriend to show his expression on his face which is confusion.
Then the boyfriend opens the letter, this is where we shall have a voice over in the final peice of him reading the letter out in his head.

analysis of draft 1

Firstly we did not have enough time to film the second scene of the draft which is the main part of the product. But when we put the first scene and title sequence together we relised that the draft was nearly 2 minutes so we are nearly exceeding the time. So we need to shorten down the editing. We also found that filming at night with no natural light in the living room was not a good idea so we are re filming the whole scene agin with natural light shining through the window. We also noticed we are not using as many different shots as we a able to do so we have decided to adjust the 1st scene so we can use more shots in it. When we re film we will also dress the characters in more appropiat clothing to represent their character so the audience know straight away from stereotyping what kind of person the charcter will be.
We shall re film next sunday and hopefull yget all the filming we need.

Draft 1

This is are first draft it is very rough as is not up to standard which we wanted; the lighing is poor and needs to be improved. We have only used a few camara shots, we need a wide range of camara shots in are film. The reason are draft was like this was because we did not have enough time to film and are time mangment was not good.

Thumbnails

Thumbnails

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This shows what are scene will look like picture wise

Storyboard

Storyboard

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Storyboard for are final design shows all are shots and what we plan to do.

Cast away

Firstly we can see straight away that the director has used eye-line match on the gift that he has received from his wife, this shot is used to show the importance of this gift and how important it is to him. The shot last 3 seconds which is quite a long time for a eye-line match bringing it back to the importance of the gift. Also we can see that when he opens the compass there is a picture of his wife and the light shines right on to her face which connotes that she is his light and guides him as well as the compass. The compass is also a enigma code and could connote that something may happen later in the film and he may need the compass.
The next edit i will comment on is when he walks off to get on the plane and then suddenly there is a cutaway shot of the lightning and rain in the dark. This cutaway shot connotes that something bad may happen because darkness represents the bad.
Then shot quickly then changes to him on a plane with a eye mask on. This shot could connote that something bad may happen because no he has his eye mask on he has no-one to guide him and he is lost because his wife is not there.
The pilot then explains that the ride will get bumpy and the editing becomes almost a montage editing we can see this because the edits become fast and the camera shots are handheld and shaky to show disturbance.

1st draft design

This is are 1st draft design; it is rough and is not up to the standard we wanted at the moment. We need to improve the lighting within the acting scene when it goes into the window and the characters is dieing on the floor; we need bright lights so the audience can see the scene correctly and it will make it more effective. We used the fish eye on some bits which made some of the scene cut of a little bit on the edges, this is bad because the camera changes from fish back to normal which may confuse the audience. The characters voice is not clear which takes the effectiveness out of the emotional scene because the audience will struggle to hear the emotion in the women's voice. Also we need to improve the music transaction where it switch's music, this will make it look more professional. As well as we need a variety of camera shots in the death scene to create panic and show this to the audience. Finally we need to dress the actors in more formal cloths which represent the characters better this will make it look more effective and show the audience what the characters are like from just there clothes. All these things we need to improve to are draft design, but we did it quick because we did not have a enough time therefore not making it up to a high standard.

Forever in my heart scene 1 script

Scene1

Characters in scene: Chris Mason, Ruby May

(Camera shot refer back to storyboard)

Ruby May:
(dimmed voice due to camera outside window) (in shock)

Chris!! Chris!! Wake up!

(Filming then becomes indoor and voice sounds normal)

Ruby May: Chris Please wake up i don’t want to lose you, not now!
Chris! You’re scaring me, wake up please!

(Places Chris’s head down and continues trying to resituate)

Ruby May: No! No! Please!

(Takes her final hug then looks up at the camera which establishes into her eye)
End of Scene1